Am I simply just lucky enough not to have had anyone mistreat me so much that I can't let go of hate?
One of my dealbreakers, or near-dealbreakers I suppose, is intolerance. If a girl is racist or otherwise hopelessly bigoted, sooner or later I have to say goodbye. It sticks in my craw, as it were.
Should I be more tolerant of the intolerant? Is it unavoidable that almost anyone I date will harbour resentment?
"Stupid bitches" is what came out of her mouth when she saw two skinny blondes competing in a reality show on TV. It wasn't prompted, as far as I could tell, by stupidity or bitchiness on the part of the contestents. It was, however, in line with a pattern of contempt and dislike of anyone she saw dressing skimpily or having a really fit body type.
It was therefore unsurprising, but it did rub me the wrong way.
I understand when one has been overweight all one's life, when one has probably been bullied by other girls and made to feel unlovable and eternally inadequate, it will cause long term damage.
The counterpoint is that I love the bluntness, the wearing of thoughts on one's sleeve. Not hiding who one is.
So...
Do all girls secretly hate some segment of "other girls"? Do all girls who have ever felt ugly or fat or demeaned have this automatic reaction in their head? Is it just the case that it is so well hidden normally that it is a non-issue?
Can I handle the truth?
Almost all women judge each other. In fact, I just read this article today - http://living.msn.com/life-inspired/weight-stereotyping-the-secret-way-people-are-judging-you-based-on-your-body
ReplyDeleteYou might find it interesting.
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ReplyDeleteI do think all women judge each other and compare themselves to other women but the cattiness I don't think is excusable. I'm skinny, the other side of the 'fat' coin. (That word is not even allowed in my house.) I've been prematurely shunned either because of someone's insecurities or because of some sort of defense mechanism, rejecting me before I can reject them. I'm experiencing it now, as a matter of fact, in my local kinky community where the majority of women are overweight.
ReplyDeleteWhile there may be an initial assessment and brief comparison, I reserve my final judgement of other women (all people) based on less superficial things. How do they behave, how do they treat others, etc. It's a sort of weighing process I suppose. Are there more positives than negatives? And on my scales, hatred weighs a ton. I have very little tolerance, if any at all, for any form of hatred. The catch is something you pointed out, something I was just thinking about recently: Should I be more tolerant of the intolerant? Aren't I being a hypocrite? Maybe so but those are just people I'd rather not have in my inner circle (or outer circle) and that choice is mine to make. I look at it as caring for myself. People filled with hatred are poisonous to my emotional, mental and spiritual well-being. The only thing I am responsible for is minding my actions and not engaging with them. My hot button seems to be religion based.
It's probably a good idea for me to always be mindful of the poisonous effect her comments have on me. I don't want to throw away something that is good overall, but that insidious poison can damage my own view of others.
ReplyDelete(On a more general note... Religion is a strong poison I think, because it can wrap hatred in a veil of holiness and supposed love. "Love thy neighbours" is a great saying as long as it isn't followed by "shun everyone else". But you can't point this out to someone who has drunk the kool-aid...)
It's an unanswerable question I've asked, I suppose - how can I ever know if I didn't see something in someone I've dated because it was well-hidden or because it didn't exist in the first place?