Gaps

There is so much I left unwritten.

I felt judged and defensive.  I didn't make time to write.  I've lost memories as a result, but memories are always lost by default.  You only get to save the ones you make an effort to keep.

In the course of 3 months I slept with 11 women, give or take.  Half of those were women I dated, half were women I employed.  I've learned a lot, and I've learned nothing.

This is what I can remember, fragmented, unedited...

Flying the Geek out to join me was worth every penny and then some.  Other than one bad day where we locked horns, we traveled well together.  We ate, we laughed, we saw, we talked, we swam, we photographed, we jumped up and down, we shopped... All of the things I love about her were right there, and she was near perfection.

She went home, and things took a downturn.  I did enjoy my time with the disco hooker, but then left the country for a few days in Singapore and Kuala Lumpur that I spent mostly in bed shaking and vomiting from the flu.  Most of my plans were cancelled, but my health improved somewhat by the time I returned to Bangkok.  Even then, there were two weeks where I could only stay awake 7 or 8 hours a day.  It was frustrating, depressing.

My conversations with the widow progressed.  We tried to go on a date, but couldn't find each other, and she had left her phone at home.  We tried again with me taking the two hour trip to her suburb, and this time succeeded, seeing the movie Snowpiercer.  For a second date, we took a chance, and went on a five day road trip to a somewhat mountainous part of the countryside.  We started with waterfalls, and worked our way over to a national park by way of a country jamboree.  I hadn't expected to see toques and cowboy hats on my tropical vacation, nor did I expect to be shivering, but that's the wonder of discovery.

I enjoyed our time together, but after that long of being together 24/7 I needed a break, and a chance to have a solo New Year's Eve that might involve following up on another romantic lead, so I returned to the city for a couple of days.  I experienced for the first time the crush of the mob, the helpless feeling of being trapped in a river of people, unable to do much more than pick a stream and be pushed in a direction at whatever speed it went.  At one point I was pressed upon from both directions, unable to even breathe.  I wiggled and popped out into a moving stream, and was safe again.

Somewhere along the way, I managed one date with an office girl.  She was sick, and we just had ice cream and did a little shopping.  She was into Japanese anime, and collecting stuffed animals.  She was once married to an American, and had lived there for a few years, which explained her excellent English skills. Although we never quite managed a second date, we have stayed in touch.

After the two day break, I once again met up with the widow, and we took another trip, this time south to a seedy vacation spot and some islands.  The islands were nice, although scenes of garbage and decay were prevalent.  We rented a motorbike, and she was surprised that I hadn't the slightest clue how to use one, so she did all the driving once again.

Back on the mainland, she wanted to see "Walking Street", a notorious area, and I can't recall what prompted that desire. It's an area of go-go clubs, street performers, boxing (her favorite stop thanks to the muscular participants) and dance clubs. I had the impression that she hadn't really seen much of the titillating side of her country, and that she was curious about it, so I dragged her into a go-go club just to give her a more adventurous experience.

I suppose that I've omitted the relatively tame but nonetheless enjoyable components - food, getting lost, that sort of thing.  I'll have to come back to expand upon this trip one day.

Afterward, she returned to the suburbs, and I returned to downtown Bangkok.  As my vacation was winding down, I set about trying to do just a few more of the activities that had been on my list before coming.  I had been looking forward to dancing, but hadn't really found a place where someone like me could do that.  By someone like me, I mean a foreigner who had always been too shy to walk up to a stranger and ask her to dance.

I checked out a few places, ended up in one that was essentially a pick-up joint, and somehow managed to walk out of there with a regular girl instead of a working girl.  It was a miracle that I mentioned in one of my few posts.  She was "the flower girl".

It was a good experience at first, but when we tried to meet again the night before I left there were misunderstandings that permeated the occasion, and it was a depressing end to an otherwise great trip.

Before that though, I had one last chance for a weekend with the widow.  This time she came to join me in the heart of the city, and I tried to show her the highlights of my experiences there.  We ate at a great restaurant, saw 47 Ronin in 4D where I made her laugh when the first air puffs made me jump, and then went up the tallest building in the country where she clung to me as we looked out over the city.  In so many ways it was the most "perfect" date I can imagine.

The second day, however, was sad, as we came to terms with my imminent departure date.

I've missed her many times since that day.  There is a pull on my heart that seems so out of proportion to the number of days that we had to get to know each other. That could be in part because we spent a lot of time together in a few short weeks, I realize.  But somewhere along the way I fell in love, and despite her limited command of my language she said the most romantic thing anyone has ever said to me.  It is forever stuck in my head, the words, the bedroom we were in, the look on her face:  "I want to wake up every day, see your face."

I realize that this outline is all over the map, but I suppose that my trip was all over the map.  It was cramming in many different types of trips, relationships, and experiences into nine weeks.

I had good sexual experiences, and bad ones. I had good relationship experiences, and bad ones.  There was little correlation between the two, and little correlation between "good versus bad experiences" and how I met the women I had those experiences with.  The best and the worst all started the same way.

Today I am in love with two women.  Neither of whom is my current girlfriend.

More to come...