But today, we made the break up permanent. I even unfriended her from Facebook, to her dismay. "You couldn't wait? Now I've been rejected twice today!"
I haven't been the same since falling head over heels for the 24 year old Thai girl. It's not that I stopped loving anyone else, but my feelings for the Filipina were suddenly overshadowed. And it had been a long shot that things would ever work out between us, and I'd known that all along.
So this is rock bottom in many ways.
I'm not going to follow my heart - that would be a disaster. Cultural and age differences, and one of us giving up our family and friends? It wouldn't end well, no matter what the opinions are of the many diehard romantics I know who tell me to just go for it.
Hate my job? Check.
Hate the city I live? Check.
Feel like there's no one decent here to date? Check.
Limited hobbies, few friends... Check.
Unresolved psychological issues of various kinds? Check.
I have a place to live, I have my health. But I'm not optimistic about the future.
How do I change that if I refuse to change the things I hate about my life?
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