The Road

I see it.  I see the road I want to be on.  There's just no freaking on ramp.

I need more social connections, and I don't know where to start.

On the positive side of things, I did realize today that I'm not taking advantage of the social connections I have.  My neighbours and her relatives that work in construction, for example, would be a good place to start finding answers to how to fix my basement, and perhaps even a good place to start finding someone to fix things around here.

My work life.  It makes me miserable.  I was independent, and then I threw my lot in with the company I used to work for only to see it toss out the guy who brought me in, and exile me back to the dungeon of boredom.  I want to do something else without losing the flexibility and income level I have, something else that is fun and challenging, and involves people.  People, for chrissake.  It is not enough to have a few minutes of interaction with adults on any given day.  Minutes in any given week.

Here again, a social connection could provide an out, if I would just take advantage of it.  A guy at one of our poker nights works with a computer company that provides services to several other companies in town, and may know which place has employees that love what they do.

The piece that never fits, though, the problem that I still don't have the right connections to address, is the failing search for a soul mate.

If I can't even get someone I'm interested in to chat with me (putting aside the fact that I've been contacted a few times, and turned those women down), how will I ever get to the point of meeting someone?

I feel like any social skills I have built over the years are rusting away from disuse.

I am too desperate, too in need. And so I cannot succeed.

Catch-22.

Fuck.