Tonight my eldest held his birthday party at my ex's house, and I, along with some of my ex's current's family members, hung around to keep order.
What follows are two confessions of wrongfulness, neither of which were avoidable because the causes are too deeply ingrained.
My eldest's friend was drunk, and telling a story to some of the other teenagers there about being my son's friend and knowing me since he was little. He repeatedly tried to explain that I was impressive (using some slang to that effect) because I had "bagged this hot Asian chick". Sadly, this reference to the dark-haired girl gave me pause as I thought back and agreed that she was indeed attractive, and, here's the wrongfulness, I felt at my core a slight but perceptable rush of pride at having dated someone attractive.
The other shameful moment was also related to appearance. Although I find various things attractive about women, there is an intersection of traits that it most appealing to me. A specific combination of hair colour, eye colour, jaw-line, and so forth, that bypasses any conscious perception and goes directly to the part of my brain that judges attractiveness and pushes the on/off switch past the on position, to the point where the switch breaks off.
Of course there was a teenage girl there with that exact combination, making some eye contact and conversation with me. I managed to not drool despite my creepy advanced age, and reign in the natural response long before it was detectable, or so I hope. An unconscious reaction, but shameful nonetheless.
Later, as I analyzed the latter situation, I posited the question, "what if she were 20 years older..."
The answer of course is that nothing would have changed. Were I 20 years younger, I would have simply felt the attraction, considered her out of my league, never make a move, and regretfully complain about it forever thereafter. Were she 20 years older, I would have felt the attraction, considered her out of my league, never make a move, and regretfully complain about it forever thereafter. Even in the hypothetical scenario, nothing really matters. Too good or not good enough, there's nothing in between.
And that is something I hope I'm wrong about.
That's interesting. Especially at our ages. I found that to be true (mostly) twenty years ago but now, though looks are somewhat important and maybe an initial consideration, I'd much rather be with a 5 or 6 who has more of the underlying qualities that are attractive. I've been with the hot guys...they weren't so hot. I guess what I'm trying to say is, don't let mismatched 'leagues' intimidate you. Surely more women than not would agree with me.
ReplyDeleteBut that ingrained attraction thing is interesting and coincidentally I was reading about it a week or so ago. It's having to do with the opposite sex parent and whether or not there was a healthy, loving bond. There was a study done and women were asked to pick, from a group of men, the ones they were most attracted to. Then they were asked about their relationship with their father. Those who said they had a good relationship were most attracted to men who resembled their dads. (They actually measured foreheads, jawlines, etc.) What I found most interesting was that my switch gets broken when it comes to dark hair and eyes (like my dad), but I didn't have a good relationship with him.