Lab Rat

One might think I would be excited about finally getting in for a sleep study after 5 or more years of waiting.

But the doctor involved is a respirologist, the one that told me I should just quit drinking coffee, tea, and pop, shortly after he supposedly read the form I filled out stating that I never drank coffee, tea or pop.

Last night I went there despite my doubts.

My state of mind was groggy at best, and I had nearly fallen asleep waiting in the hallway for the technicians to arrive at 8:30.  I was ushered in, shown to my room, and asked to strip.  I was then wired up, literally.  14 sensors were epoxied to my head and body.  It was difficult to open my mouth, or left eye, as a result of the massive amounts of glue.  The fumes were overpowering. 

When all that was completed, I went to bed, plugged in, and straps applied to my chest and stomach.  We went through a few ventilators for me to try on, just in case they were need.  And then...

Off went the lights... perhaps a half hour later I was asleep.

Throughout the night I woke myself up in order to carefully turn myself over without getting caught up in the wires.  At one point the heat of the room combined with the straps and glued over body parts to give me a sweating, overwhelming panic attack.  I felt nauseous and convinced the technician to disconnect me and let me escape to the washroom for a few minutes.  A fan and some patience on my return allowed me to try again, after some self-calming.

The morning arrived twelve hours later.  I continued to be groggy throughout the afternoon as they continued the test.  By 5pm, the tests were over, the epoxy holding the wiring on dissolved, the tape pulled off along with my hair, and I was out the door.  My evening at home has been a combination of finally eating some food, and constantly picked at the chunks of glue leftover in my hair, under my chin, behind my ear, on my neck, and elsewhere.  Even now, I look like someone glued a kleenex to my face and it's partially still there.

That was the day.

I have as many doubts now, if not more than when I started.

The technicians seemed to think that the doctor would advise me to try to sleep at regular hours, and not let a sleep deficit build up.  I could have laughed.  As if I haven't tried all the basics.  It doesn't matter how much or how little I sleep, when I start or when I finish, or anything else.  The days are simply terrifyingly endless fogs, at least without the prescription stimulants.

There's no cure, and one gets the impression that the people performing the study don't even believe the disease is real.  Yes, I just made it up.  It's all in my head.  Well, it is all in my head, but it's a chemical imbalance rather than a fraud.  So...

Here's to forgetting about the sleep study.  I gave it a try, with low expectations, and I somehow still managed to be let down.

I look forward to taking drugs tomorrow, and being able to function exactly like a normal human being, exactly as I did fifteen or twenty years ago.  Even if that seems like too much to ask.