Friday, July 29, 2016

Maybe it's Simple

Maybe it's just that I am so sure that I'm going to be spending my "golden years" alone that I've gone from fear to constant sadness.

I could only spend ten minutes visiting my grandmother today, my voice cracking, constantly on the verge of tears.

This is paralysis, emotional paralysis.

2 comments:

  1. I've spent some time thinking about this. Maybe your goals have changed. Maybe what used to be most important to you has shifted into more of a companionship than passionate love. Someone to grow old with.

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  2. I started thinking no one read blogs anymore. :)

    That's possible...

    It's been a month since this, and it's just recently that I've stopped constantly moping. I haven't been back to see my grandmother in a week now... Not since my mother said that she has gotten worse, she's spacing out constantly.

    I don't know why life events have affected me so much for so long. I thought that I would come to accept things that are a normal part of life... Jobs are lost, precious family members age and pass. To be upset is normal. To try to hide from the world more and more isn't.

    I desperately want security, but that's unrealistic. I shouldn't be in a holding pattern in a vain attempt to pretend I have security.

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