Syntax Evasion

Those lyrical references in songs to "moths attracted to flames" aren't metaphors about love, but warnings about compulsive behaviours.

What is it about rescuing someone, about being that only white knight, that I find so irresistable?

I had my chance to escape this weekend.

She was ebuliant since I returned home early from the trip with the boys, and the boys were staying with their mother. Saturday afternoon, however, the switch was flicked when the boys suddenly appeared, dropped off unannounced. Not entirely unexpected, because I knew and had forgotten that they were coming back sometime that day, but I admitted that a phone call in advance would have been appropriate since there was no pre-set time.

The dark-haired girl was thrown into the abyss once again. Over the next twenty-four hours she cried, declared we were nothing but roommates, that she was moving out when she could, and threw all of her clothes into garbage bags for storage. We sat and talked, and she said that her bottom line remained getting married and having a child, necessary to complete her life. She didn't want to someday be old and alone, regretting having left no progeny in the world.

I said that the problem I saw was that... wait, what exactly did I say? Sleep-deprived and pandering, I know I zeroed in on the emotional issues between us, but I can't remember exactly what it was.

But the point today is that I had my escape hatch, and I didn't take it. Instead I smoothed things over, assured her that I was fine with her bottom line, and Sunday afternoon was spent with her joking about us being roommates with benefits.

It's like my first marriage all over again.

I know it's not going to be pretty, and yet I continue on a path of doom.

Can someone explain myself to me?