Quite often I catch myself wondering, "is this the relationship she's looking for, am I giving her what she wants?"
This happens with everyone I date for any real length of time. It's not a matter of lacking self-confidence, but a matter of caring for the other person, wanting to ensure they are getting what they want from me.
I have great difficulty redirecting that question to myself, however. I avoid asking it, possibly because I'm not sure I can answer it, or even answer the question, "what is it that I want for myself in this relationship?"
This is the problem with relationships that start off like yours did.
ReplyDeleteThe fantasty of 'what could be' in your head often doesn't live up to the reality.
I'm not sure what the fantasy is or was, though...
ReplyDeleteI just find her physical attributes to be very attractive to me. As a person, once I got past the outer walls (that are not uncommon in "Western" women) I found her to be quite within the range of everyone else I've dated.
Which does not "burst my bubble"... and that's not to say that there aren't issues in terms of cultural differences, and basic relationship expectations, but I don't think there was a really strong fantasy component to my expectations (at least specific to her racial background)...