Just a warning that I'm a little vulgar lately.
July was an exception in my recent social life. I went on dates, and there were four vajayjays (am I allowed to use that word?) that I came into physical contact of some kind with.
There were setbacks, compliments, and setbacks. Mostly setbacks. I was sometimes more interested in pushing boundaries than making relationships, or so I'm thinking now.
I had performance anxiety with the hot/crazy Mercury. I had "walk in the door and sweep her into bed in 5 minutes or less" sex for a few hours with C3 as the counterpoint. I had "well, I sense no interest from you, but you were willing to take me to your place, so let's see what happens if I hold your hand" near sex with the patron of the arts. Finally, I had a "let's just jump into the back seat and fog up the windows" makeout session with the psych major.
In every case, it was probably rushing things, or doing it "just because". Not that the feedback was bad. "You certainly know what you are doing" in the back seat and "it was a fun evening ;)" seemed sincere, and make me feel good in the respect that at least I'm not completely crap in bed, but I don't like the overall outcome. I feel like a half-assed playa. Not really taking advantage of anyone, or getting that far, but not really being the sincere "let things just flow as they will" I thought I had been.
Maybe it's just too much experience.
I don't have the innocent idealism. I still can't imagine what the "right girl" for me is going to be like.
I'm still lost. And I may have fallen into the ditch and started obliviously high-fiving the air for no apparent reason.
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