Defective

Five women, five hundred Singapore dollars, and experience to show for it.  Just not the kind you're thinking.

Take Two - 9pm

The second attempt, using a reputable brothel this time, was moderately better.  Since I remained basically unable to perform with the constraints in place (no kissing, no doing most things to her), we spent most of the time ineffectively trying to use Google to translate a conversation.  That's right, 20 minutes into it I gave up, and tried instead to cuddle and converse with a cute, naked, paid for, Chinese girl.

I'm hopeless, but amused.

It Gets Worse - 10:25pm

On my way back to the train, I decided to stop at the Thai massage place I'd seen on the way to my earlier adventure.  $40 for 60 minutes seemed like a good deal, and at least this way I would get something out of it.  Half an hour in, she stopped and asked if I wanted my groin area massaged, if I would like a happy ending.

I said there would be no point, and tried to explain why.  She asked again, and I said, sure, whatever.  One hundred dollars, she said.  I said I didn't have it. She could take Visa, she said, and I said I didn't have that either.  Finally I took out my wallet, and showed her the $37 I had left after the brothel, and she said $30.  At least I would have cab fare home.

As I expected, her oiled handiwork didn't get a rise out of me.  She stopped and told me the story of the old man who went through 50 girls before finally finding one that would do the trick for him.  She is out of the country until the 25th, unfortunately.  After a couple more half-hearted strokes, she gave up, and called in another girl.  Yes, another.

Her slow handiwork, alone with a more prostate oriented approached, initially showed some promise, but after a minute or so that promise was broken and gone. 

I am broken, obviously.  If even sexual "professionals" can't get me hard, much less off, who can?

Maybe I was better off not knowing how dysfunctional I am.

Calling Card

After the massage parlour, I called the masochist and relayed the night's events to her.  We broke out laughing about it, and in the end the sixteen minute phone call was pretty much the highlight on my day.