Aches

My ex-wife once said, upon learning that I attended an art opening with the prof, "That hurts. Do you know how many times I wish you had done that with me, and never had?"

With all the times I've spent overnight with the dark-haired girl, I've imagined the prof thinking the same thing.

I then wonder if I am somehow habitually and purposely giving the next girl in my life what the previous wanted.

In some senses that is probably true, although the reasons I do what I do always stem from who I am with at that moment. I went to the art openings because I wanted to, because it was important to the prof. I spent nights with the dark-haired girl, because it's possible, and it's important to her. But also because I wanted to prove the prof wrong when she said if I could never do it with her, I could never do it with anyone, and therefore I could never truly be with anyone.

As always, I am innocent and I am guilty, all at the same time.