The Human Tide

People come and go in my life, and some part of them stays behind forever, in a way that I imagine is much like an underwater pool in the middle of the ocean.  Recent events have made me think back to different people, different relationships.

I wish I interacted with the Prof* more, for example.  She's a complex and interesting person, and despite never having been able to say to her "I love you" during our 18 months together, I still have this undulating warmness inside when I think of her.  I barely know her anymore and I still care for her.

The Musician has such amazing bad luck that I wonder if she arranges her life that way.  Every day her Facebook feed outlines another disaster, another broken appliance, shoddy plumber, or work upheaval.  I'm fond of her too, but she gives regular reminders of why distance is a good thing.

J* ran away at some point, around the time of the dark-haired girl's involvement in my life.  J has been a guarded person, I think, with a partial opening during the time we dated.  One year, long after we broke up, she left a message on my answering machine wishing me a happy birthday, and I have kept it.  I wish I were in more contact with her as well.

The Photographer recently got back in touch with me, with that apology for youthfulness in terms of relationship maturity.  I wrote a testimonial on her behalf on the online dating site, and she has used me as a sounding board about some of the responses she's had there. This particular aspect has inspired me to create a blog entry that you'll perhaps read later... one asking the question, "what are the weirdest things a guy has done to get your attention."  She's still has a way to go to escape her marriage-woven cocoon, but I wish her well... she has such potential.

Perhaps there was a golden era in my timeline of forming relationships, perhaps not.  Perhaps it's all random.  I wish I were closer to some, but things are what they are.  Lives diverge, and as much as I might have been affected by others, they may not have been as affected by me.  Then again, maybe the reason some stick in my mind is that there was an affect going both ways.  I'll never truly know, I suppose.

Perhaps I shall just try to remind myself to be thankful for what was, and try to find more people that will be precious to me.

* May or may not still read this blog.