Reductive

I decided this afternoon that if the dark-haired girl and I do not have sex this weekend, I should move on.

That seems bluntly crass, doesn't it?

We'll see if I actually follow through on that decision, of course. I also had vowed a month ago that if she wasn't interested when she got back in town, I would do something daring with my hairstyle.

I felt reconnected at last after the phone call last night, but some aspects of the situation remain the same. I am making the point of sharing how I feel, and rightly so, as I've always known that being able to find someone to bare your self (eg. thoughts, soul, body, being) is the ultimate goal of a meaningful relationship. I'm not sure about what I am receiving in return, however. Shyness might account for some of it, but I still do not really know how she feels. Interested enough to continue talking and meeting. Not interested enough to return a "kiss" emoticon, or state her feelings... It could be shyness, it could be wavering interest, or at worst, it could be a sense of entitlement. I hope it's not the last reason; that would be the biggest disappointment of all.

I try to look at things simply, and that's not easy to do when you are as constantly analytical as I am. And at this point, I want to know if she's still interested enough to get into bed with me. If the words aren't there, and the actions aren't there, and time is never spent together...?

The misunderstandings are supposed to be in the past.

Nah, who am I kidding? I'll still hope, and sigh, and pine, and muddle along whatever happens this weekend.