Arguments

Why is it impossible to really make your children understand life's most important lessons?

Tonight I went to bed early, leaving instructions that my sons go to bed at a reasonable, yet late enough hour. I was awoken to them arguing in a way that is all too predictable. It was a half hour past the appointed time, not a huge issue in itself. My eldest was trying to get my youngest to get into bed, turn off the lights, let him go to sleep, and let me sleep. My youngest was trying to stay up and read for a few minutes before going to sleep. If they could have both let it go, perhaps close a door to resolve the deadlock for the few minutes in question, all would have been fine. But instead, they awoke the lion who roared (me!).

My eldest takes things personally, much beyond what is his responsibility or his to control. He apologizes for things that are not his fault. He is responsible, caring, helpful, smart, conscientious. But, as I was shaped by my stepfather into a life of unnecessary guilt, he also has the weight of the world on his shoulders. No matter how many times, how many ways I explain the basic rules of life in this regard to him, be continues to bear this weight. It saddens me.

My youngest is a whip smart rebel, easily fascinated and bored, uninterested in room tidyness, eternally curious and persecuted. He cares about people as much as his brother does, but bears the curse of being the youngest, bottom of the ladder, never in charge. It's harder to explain the basic rules of life that would help him, but I try to make my suggestions just as plentiful as with his brother.

Let it go. Worry about nothing more than what you do or do not do. Just do your part. There's no need to argue about what each other does or does not do.