One More Facet

Oddly enough, when you stop seeing someone, you learn about one more facet.

I learned this early on in my post-separation dating with one woman. She had had nothing but very bad experiences with men throughout her life and occasionally mentioned that I was the first person to treat her decently, the first person she could let her guard down with. She was easily freaked out, jealous, constantly trying to change who she was to suit who she thought I wanted her to be, and there reached a point where I saw that she was truly not who I was looking for, not who I wanted to be dating. When I broke up with her, I was polite, careful, and caring... light... but she was beyond emotional and dramatic, and I know emotional and dramatic! "I'll never date another man" was the essence of what she said, but you can imagine. I had to revise my intention to remain friends. I checked in on her a month later, and she had put her guard (or should I say the Berlin wall!) back up.

When I stop seeing someone that I cared about, I am somewhat morose, the depth and length of which depend on the depth of the connection I had with that person. Amusingly enough, the emotions that hit afterward are unexpected. I can't quite predict how I'll feel, or at least I've failed to. I'm getting better with each iteration, though. Or is it just because this iteration is after a shallower relationship? I don't know.

But the end of a relationship tells you who you were dealing with. How secure are they as a person. (Also how secure you are as a person, if you are willing to look at yourself). You never quite know who you can be post-relationship friends with until it's over.

Postscript
It occurs to me that I should mention that I don't blame her for her scars and weaknesses. It only makes me sad for her, and meant that I couldn't be friends.

Post-Postscript
I don't want you to try and save me,
No I don't want you at all
If we're through, then you don't blame me,
'Cause that won't do at all