Ok, so let's review.
There are women out there who are:
- Smart.
- Intelligent.
- Sexy.
- Fun to be with.
- Good-hearted.
But.
So far it seems that *life* itself is my greatest enemy. Which I kinda figured out before I even separated. It was one of my greatest fears, in fact, that there wouldn't be anyone out there to meet.
Ok, first of all, I wasn't exactly right.
There are women you can meet. That you'll like.
YOU JUST CAN'T KEEP THEM!!!!!
AAARRRRGH!!!!!!!!
A sad moment just now as I reduce my MSN Messenger list by one. And I'm not sure about whether to add "D" back in or not, for the chance at an occasional chat, or if this is one of those moments I should be ripping the band-aid off instead of pulling slowly. Knowing me, it makes no difference.
My experience has been that if I've connected enough with someone, they are in my head forever.
I've had a range of relationships ... in terms of time, depth, personality mesh, guardedness, connectedness...
Time doesn't matter. As long as there's enough time to get to know someone. All the time in the world with the wrong person doesn't make them right. I learned this in post-separation relationship #2.
Sex doesn't matter. You can have sex with someone, and it doesn't change the meaning of the relationship. Sex is a reflection of the state of the relationship.
Guardedness slows things town and prevents or damages connectedness, but it isn't an insurmountable obstacle.
Personality mesh and connectedness. That's what matters.
And if I get over a threshold of connectedness with someone, they stick with me in my head even when LIFE kills the relationship.
So to rip off the band-aid or not.... makes it no easier on me.
Back to this empty-feeling search.
Maybe numb your skin with ice or cold water first, then rip the Band-Aid off?
ReplyDelete:-)
ReplyDeleteThe guardedness would have been the numbing. For my part, I'm not going to be guarded. It might reduce the pain, but it reduces the reward and all the positive feelings as well.
I guess so. Like they say, the bad times really help you appreciate the good.
ReplyDeleteMe, I don't think that being guarded totally reduces the reward. I think that being guarded, for me at least, has saved me from total meltdown. However, you have to know when to let the guard down and open up. Yet again it all comes down to that elusive concept of balance...
ReplyDeleteTrue...
ReplyDeleteI was frustrated that day at being held at arm's length. I wonder if this actually aggravated it's own cause - in other words, I never became so wrapped up in validation before because I wasn't being rejected.
I've been so focused on starting off a relationship with honesty that I've missed other stuff. I don't think that communication is a bad thing, but I can't assume that it fixes everything.
All I can change is what I do, how I approach things, and hope for a little luck so that I can try again.
So, here it is a few days later ... I'm re-reading this, and I disagree with myself.
ReplyDeleteThe only reason this is still in my head *today* is because I feel guilty. I feel guilty because I didn't give someone the space they needed.
I guess I didn't reach the point of being that connected.