Today

If this makes any sense, I'll be amazed. I'm about to keel over and fall asleep on my keyboard.

Long
This was a long day; I worked on changes for an American company, for my old Canadian employer, for the German company that will hopefully soon be selling one of my products, and for myself. I didn't eat lunch until about 2:30pm, if that tells you how it went.

I did manage a couple of chats throughout the day, which were nice breaks, but I never made it to the park for a run.

Puppets
I was sorely tempted to go check out the Famous Puppet Deaths show when I read about it in the paper, but I didn't. Then I read in a friend's blog that it was great. Argh! Now I have to drive to another city.... hey, great idea! Getting out of town!

One of these days...

Movie
I think I will go to a movie this weekend. A date, a buddy, or by myself... just to get out of the house.

Doomed
I don't regret any relationship I've had so far since being separated. That includes the ones where I still have feelings for the person long after they are gone from my life. I may wish they were still around, but I wouldn't trade the experiences I did have for relief from wishing. It also includes the one unpleasant relationship I've had; my regret there isn't that I tried it, but that I didn't catch on faster as to what the situation was. I also don't regret those one-off dates that went nowhere; not every person will be your soul mate, and you can't get to know people solely by what they are like online. A pen pal relationship does not tell you what kind of chemistry you will have with someone.

To date, or not to date, that is the question.

It occurred to me as I was driving around that I knew someone who would go on a date with me if I wanted, but I didn't feel anything for her. Heck, I even know a hot (drool, drool) woman who would be more than willing to hop into bed with me with just a phone call. But neither form of exploitation is in my character. (Damn it! *grin*) Which is why I didn't take L up on her hints (well, hints followed by saying) that we should go on another date. I couldn't quite bring myself to be blunt, however. I wanted to clearly state how I felt (tepidly), but couldn't find a way to say it that I was comfortable with. I never did anything really bad like "I'll call you sometime", or otherwise lying, but there was the "trail off"... Ugh. How typical male. Yuk. I so wanted to never do that to anyone.

There's another way to look at it though.... I just never came out and clearly said that I wasn't interested in going on a date with her again. Jeez, how much guilt can one guy generate for himself off of a little thing like this.

Digressing again, aren't I?

Continuous wrestling with my demons is what it is. Honesty isn't easy, but it's the only way I'll be happy.

I don't think that it's wrong to try dating someone if you want to know more about them. If you have an interest in the person, the date is legitimate. Out of the 6 or 7 people I've chatted with over the last few weeks, there are 3 that I would like to meet in person. One isn't dating anyone, one won't date me, and the other I'm just getting to know.... so who knows.... maybe there's no one right at this moment, but there's hope...

Conclusion
But I am going to see a movie this weekend! Date or no date!