Cats, donuts, and dating

By a long and slightly unusual chain of events, I remember now that my cat really likes donuts.

I woke this morning to get the phone and after hanging up saw the half-eaten donut on the floor. I had left it on my kitchen table after bringing it in from the car, before going to bed. I had brought it in from the car after discovering it nicely centered in the cupholder. The interior lights were on after seeing the Pink Panther (not recommended...the movie, I mean), and it must have been because of the perfect centering that I hadn't noticed it before. Which brings me to the reason I was in my car... ta da... the date. Enough Memento-style narrative. It was weird to not see the donut in plain view, though, and unusual for my cat to get a chance at eating his beloved donut.

So this has been a very different week for me, dating-wise. After discovering that I was getting too wrapped up last month with someone that in retrospect was not an ideal match*, I made some changes (restorations, really) in how I approached dating.

Originally I was exploring the dating world. Just seeing who was out there. That worked ok. I had a range of experiences from the one-off-not-interested to the we-are-two-souls-of-a-kind. At most I talked to two people at a time, and never more than one if the one was someone I was really interested in. After a couple of rocky starts that worried me (pre-online dating included a "rescue me" situation and a clingy "all men abuse me" situation), everything went quite quickly, and generally went well, no matter which end of the spectrum the relationship was on.

Having two startlingly different we-are-two-souls-of-a-kind** relationships back to back combined with it being the Christmas season threw me off track, however. I've already discussed the importance of not ignoring what emotional space you are in when you decide to start a relationship of any kind. But one thing that occurs to me now is that perhaps I got spoiled, and started expecting deep and meaningful even where it couldn't exist.

So... changes. I am back to the exploration, the exploring mode. This week it helped greatly to find a new way to contact people, and to be in contact with 3 (yes, three) new people.

Last night I went on a date with one of these women. I'm having some difficulty at the moment trying to recall precisely why I sent her a message originally... which I guess tells you how well the date went. :-)

Nice enough woman, again involved in education (that's my dating theme apparently). Some idiosyncracies that I think were caused by nervousness that started to drove me nuts within 60 seconds of meeting her. No chemisty between us, at least none that I felt. Just an adult conversation, a so-so movie, some somewhat gross food, more conversation, and an end to the evening. Tepid. A one off date for lack of future interest. No regrets; if nothing else at least it brings me back to the more casual state of dating.

So, that leaves 2 other women.

One of them may conceivably read this (let's pretend not), as I was impulsive (foolish?) this week and threw my blog address at her in a chat... in (let's be charitable here) a misguided, sad, last ditch attempt to save my self-esteem. :-)

That chat threw some cold, cold water on what was a very promising, very exciting conversation. She does seem like someone I'd like to continue to get to know, and perhaps it is still possible to revive things through another medium, one where the inflection in our voice or the expression on our face is available. We did agree that it is too easy to misinterpret the written word without enough context. Is she still interested, is there a chance here? Hard to say for sure...

If I have indeed messed things up (been there, done that), that still leaves 1 of 3. Good thing I broke my rule about never chatting with more than 2 women at a time. The chats with her are few and far between, however, and I still know very little about her. It's very hard to say much at this point. Might be quickly trailing off into nothing.

Seems that either some unexpected good fortune will need to come my way, or perhaps the exploration will need to be directed to new lands.

Still, it's nice to be out of the rut, out of fixation mode, and back to having hope.

Onwards!


Post-script
Ironic that the tepid date leads to hope while the great date last month led to despair.


Footnotes
* Sadly I ignored*** any warning signs, mixed signals, and the fact that she made some nasty comments about chiropractors, believers, and politicians that I was not comfortable with****. For my decisions I blame my loneliness, and the fact that she was someone who was attractive to me, attracted to me, and shared several of my interests. A good match on paper, but not in person after knowing more. I know better, but... you do what you do.

** An interesting question is how could they both be "of a kind" with me, and yet different from each other. Well, "of a kind" means an overlap with me on a substantial level, but not necessarily that we are twins in every way.

*** I like to think of it as giving the benefit of the doubt in case I misunderstood things. But, yeah, blindly ignored.

**** Yes, I know I myself am critical of the society I live in, but I don't think people who disagree with me are stupid, evil, or need to be taken out and shot for crying out loud!