Still up

Just tuning in? Need to catch up?

Here are some 3am thoughts...

(1) Dating: I'm looking for a "deep river" love that is always felt and doesn't need words. A recent relationship was a "high-water mark" and I'm hoping to find that plus the few missing pieces; I think the person I shared that with is well on her way to having it in her new relationship (yay!).

(2) Teeth: The dentist says there's nothing wrong with my teeth, so it's probably more from the big toboggan crash. Can't do anything but put up with the pain until it goes away. It's keeping me up though, along with too much thinking.

(3) Car: Broken glass in the vents. Had a $40 cleanout but at some point might have to spend $600 having the dash taken apart to get it out. :-( Otherwise I'm happy with it.

(4) Work: Frantic. Translation project overdue and in panic mode. Other work piling up. Getting sleep would definitely help.

(5) Sleep: It's almost 3am... what do you think?

(6) Internal debate: One of my deepest emotional triggers involves justice. I can't stand injustice. Like my stepfather punishing me for not vacuuming right after I finished vacuuming. Like when Fred Flintstone gets blamed for stuff he didn't do. Like the father in the movie Arlington Road and the whole futility revealed at the end of the movie Twelve Monkeys. Drives me insane. But should I correct things if I think someone has misunderstood me?

(6) (again, but later) I have this nagging feeling "D" thinks I'm a weirdo of some kind. And why does it matter what she thinks. And how I hate feeling I'm misunderstood. I don't think she fully trusted me, nor that she can ever fully trust anyone. I felt that she jumped on any misstep, misinterpreted my dark humour as some sort of insight into something I was hiding when I wasn't. I just keep feeling like I need to correct that. That I need to say something. But I shouldn't. I should let it be, because what does it matter? I keep struggling with it in my head.

Ok, let's attempt sleep again...